


I Will Feel So Glad To Go

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dialogue-Only, Ghost Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Other, Self-Hatred, Wordcount: 100-500, i wrote this during a major depressive episode lmao, it's actual Hot Garbage but it helped me so i'm posting it, just in case it helps anyone else too, trigger warning, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 12:43:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: Dialogue-only. Evan wants Connor's help, but Connor is nothing but a ghost. He is a sad spirit of his former self, because he couldn't even manage to kill himself right.





	I Will Feel So Glad To Go

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Asleep by The Smiths (shout-out to the official Connor Murphy playlist on Spotify lmao).   
> Lyrics at the top of the fic are from DEH itself. 
> 
> This was a vent fic I wrote in about fifteen minutes on my lunch break at work during a major depressive episode. It actually helped me to move past some stuff, so I figured I might as well post it on here, because if it helped me... I don't know, it might help someone else, too.

_ Do you ever feel like nobody is there _

_ Do you ever feel forgotten in the middle of nowhere _

_ Do you ever feel like you could disappear _

_ Like you could fall, and no one would hear _

 

“Connor?” 

“Go away, Evan.”

“Please, I was just trying to—“

“I said go  _ away _ , Evan.”

“But—“

“You’re only making things worse.”

_ You always make things worse.  _

_ “ _ But this is important, Connor.”

“That’s what you always say. And it’s always a lie.”

“That’s… That’s not true. You’re just being cruel.”

_ You’re cruel. You’re mean. Stop being yourself.  _

“I’m telling the truth.”

“Well, that’s not—“

“The truth fucking hurts sometimes. What a fucking shock.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“That… thing. The— the thing where you swear and then turn away and and then leave because you want to pretend like none of this is happening.”

“None of this  _ is  _ happening, Evan.”

“But—“

“No. It’s happening to  _ you _ . Nothing is happening to me. I’m dead.”

“That doesn’t mean—“

“Yes, it does. It means that I’m  _ dead _ , so you can fucking deal with this on your own.”

“Connor— Connor! Wait! Don’t go! Don’t—“

_ You always do this.  _

_ Not good for anything.  _

_ Not even when you’re dead.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/comments are love. Come scream at me on tumblr @deathishauntedbyhumans


End file.
